The Long Road!
Hello, my name is Amber and I wanted to write a page about my journey to where I am in this season of my christian life. Well first I was saved as a young child at the age of 5. To be honest I really don't remember anything in my life to have changed. Maybe it did but I really don't know that it did. I went along in life going to church and doing what I thought I was suppose to be doing well into my youth. I had some times just like any child where I detoured and made some bad choices. At the age of 13 I started getting sick and woud be in the the hospital a couple of times per yer for about 5 years until the doctors finally attributed all the pain I was having to be fom stress. I was in 5 Ap or Pre-Ap classes Also I was in Band I was a percussionist. It was was very demanding but of all things I would not give up my music. Well at that time my mother was a principle of a high school and my dad well at that time he really wasn't anything I have no idea what he did all day other than smoke pot. Which at that time I did not know he was doing. Well when I was 17 they told my parents I either needed to be homeschooled or give up a lot of what I was doing. Well at that time I really didn't have a choice my mom couldn't quite her job she was the only one supporting the family and my dad wasn't about to homeschool me so I had to change schools and go to the high school my mom worked at. Well I have to say now that I am out of there if I could do it again I would have fought not to go. I think for me it was the begginning of my spiral down hill. I can't blame anyone of course because of the mistakes I made but there was more opportunity to make those mistakes. I went from a school that if you were not in an upperlevel class you were considered stupid and if you didn't go to college you were a loser to a school that didn't have many Ap classes and really didn't seem to care if you made it to college I know they did but there was no push or requirement. Well my senior year in high school my mom at the age of 42 had a massive stroke right after thanksgiving. I will never forget what she looked like when we were at the doctor and she said I don't feel well and handed me her earings and then hit the floor, it was one of the most terrifying days in my life she was unresponsive and I was so scared to loose her. I remember it seemed like forever before they were able to get her in a room and at least 24 hours before we knew the extent of what was wrong and I was so scared we would loose her she had several small strokes while in the hospital and she was paralized on her left side of her body. She had to learn how to walk, and write and think again. Now if you met her and didn't know she had had a stroke you wouln't know only us who are around her a lot can see the after affects. Well Easter weeknd after her stroke so it had been about 4 months we took a trip to Ok to my grandparents house for Easter, we had never spent easter with them always at home and so itwas such a nice treat. We went to bed that saturday and got up that sunday morning and had breakfast and my grandma wasn't feeling well but we were still going to church and so my mom and I were puttng our make-up on at the other side of the house when my pappy yelled for help and my memaw had collapsed and seemed to be siezing, well I was sent to go get my sunt next door while my mom called the ambulance and justso you know my grandparents lived in the country. I remember going back in and looking at her while (what we know now) was having a heart attack I still have nightmares about it. I will never forget that image. Theygave hr CPR and sent me out to the road to flag down the ambulance and I can remember standing there and being able to hear the ambulance but I couldn't see them it took them so long to get there way longer than it should have they got lost (which they admitted) I remember seeing them bring her out on a stretcher and still working on her and all they worked on her all the way to the hospital and even when they got to the hospital they were still working on her. I remember the doctor telling us that she had a tiny heart beat but not enough to keep her brain alive and I remembe being so mad because I thought well if there is still a little heart beat maybe she could come back if we prayed really hard. But we had to say good bye. This was the real beggining to my downward spiral. I was so mad at God for taking her away from me that I completely pulled away from him. I didn't care what I did it didn't matter to me because I felt that God didn't care about me, not long after graduation I moved out was working three jobs and going to school. I began to drink and party and just do what ever I wanted. It was hit or miss on whether I went to church, sometimes I wouldn't go because I was passed out in some guys bed from the night before really you would have thought that was rock bottom but it wasn't I was drinking driving finally the guy I had dated for over a year told me one night he didn't want to be with me anymore because he was already with another girl. So I moved back home that didn't stop the drinking and partying. Pretty much my rock bottom for th drinking was one new years eve that my parents had to some get me I was so drunk I was violent. I have no other memory of it. I stillwas living in sin and horribleness, I moved in with my boyfriend and after being together for a little over a year we got pregnant so we decided to get married. (Now he is my wonderful husband). This was the turning point, I didn't want to go to church I knew they would judge me for getting pregnant before I was maried but I remember my pastors wife asking if she could give me a baby shower and that is when I realized that there were people to support me while in this time. It was a long road to get there but I have come back to the Lord and of course 4 years later I am still working on my walk as we all are but I am in such a good place with the Lord. I praise him for all of the amazing things he has done for me in my life!